He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
