I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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