I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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