i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
