dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
