That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
