Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
