There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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