I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
