No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sorry my hands just texted you
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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