I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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