I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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