So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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