I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
