oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
