the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
