i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
