dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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