Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
