It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
