he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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