Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize