Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she told me i tasted like america
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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