We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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