yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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