Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
