Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
