Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
