I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize