Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
