Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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