I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
