did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
4 words: hood of his car
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize