She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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