Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
