I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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