Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
