:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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