Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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