he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
