even my farts smell like vagina
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
