Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
