how can u be prego again
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
