Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize