She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
