you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This baby is an asshole
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
