Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
