My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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