Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
