if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
