I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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