Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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