He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
