Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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