The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
