I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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