I heard we made out
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
