Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Can I color on your dick again?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
