happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
