i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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