I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
