I have demons in me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize