So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
