I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
