i don't like sucking hair
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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