Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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