you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
