I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
