I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize