OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
