You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
