Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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