i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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