The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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