he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
