Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
