who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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