You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
