she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just found a bag of teeth...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
